Lately I have just been counting my blessings, not that there are many at the moment.
- Being out of work seems to be my status quo at the moment so I am learning to go with it, instead of resist it. After all I worked for 24 long years and I will regret it in the future if I don't enjoy this time "in the moment" in a "present" way with Aaron. That job I was debating over, where I would only pay for childcare, the tax man, and the bus driver, well, I did not get it, so the confusion was taken out of my hands despite a first AND second interview, each of which cost me £15 to attend. But not getting that job WAS a blessing. I would be working simply to pay for someone else to look after Aaron FULL TIME (even when I WAS working it was 3 days a week). So I am looking for the silver lining in EVERY cloud at the moment.
- Something has shifted. Whereas I used to be a hoarder and HATED decluttering, I am now decluttering at a rate of knots. I have dealt with 4 areas, in less than a fortnight, that had all been the way they were for 2-3 years or longer. Try it. It seems to remove darkness and bring IN light. I can't recommend it enough.
- My husband has now moved the mortgage and some of the bills so that they come out of his account, now that all my redundancy money has gone, and I feel like a huge weight has lifted. I should have asked for help MONTHS AGO. If you are in a situation where you are trying to do too much, ask for help. Your pride takes a hit yes, but it is only temporary and the relief is awesome, and relieving :-)
- I am meeting up with friends more often. The PND is truly behind me.
- I am speaking at Brit Mums Live and am very excited about that.
- I am cooking more often and getting a lot of satisfaction from seeing my husband enjoy the meals. Yes I have turned into the "little lady" and am getting increasinly domesticated every day, but somebody's got to do it, and having the mind and body of a career woman, who no longer had a career was not working. Going with the flow is where it is at.
- I always had an insecurity about money, when I had a great salary. For that reason I made sure all credit cards were cleared before I even attempted to try to conceive. Yet now, I have nothing, and am less insecure. Sorry if it sounds corney but I think I am closer to God. I am trusting that all will be well. Don't get me wrong. I have missed a couple of bloggy events in the last few weeks, due to money constraints, and that is hard, but sometimes lack teaches us what is important. BUT I would dearly love to have been at Alex's ball - sorry Tamsyn.
- When I speak to Aaron in full sentences, my husband USED to say "WHAT are you doing, he DOESN'T understand YOU" - like if I said even something simple like "Daddy's in the sitting room" he would say "Aaron doesn't know what the sitting room is". Now, unsurprisingly for ME, Aaron can name EVERY room in the flat, and his sentences and vocabularly are SUPERB. The husband knows all those other terms for sentence structure, and says that Aaron does it all, i.e. knows when to use future tense, when you, when me, etc... He can even turn a sentence on its head to reply to you, even if you thought your meaning was unclear, or even if you werent't talking to him. I wish I could come up with some examples. I will have to start writing them down. He comes up with some right crackers for a two year old. My husband's Mum recently complimented him on Aaron's speech and then he apologised to me for all the times I have talked to Aaron PROPERLY. He asked me if I did it because of a book I'd read or because of advice I'd read online. No! My reason for doing so was always the same. Always simple. I spoke to him that way because I respected and respect him. I couldn't talk goo goo ga ga to him. To me, he is a beacon of light. A wiser soul than me. He is my world. I talk to him like he is greater than an equal. He is my heart and soul.
- These last few months, my rock has been my Mum. Despite her being in Ireland we talk EVERY day on the phone. It has deepened our relationship the support she has given me. During the administration and resulting liquidation, I simply could not have got through it without her.