Emotional Wreck or just Over Sensitive

Normally Aaron and I walk to and from nursery, but the temperatures yesterday and today have really DROPPED and the frost is unreal.  I have lived here for 11 years and never seen this before frozen spider webs:

Our deck chair that has remained in the garden since summer

our wheelie bin

So despite getting up at 7 a.m. and Aaron and I being ready and dressed by 8:30 a.m. we waited till after 09:00 for Daddy to be ready so he could drive us to nursery.

It's a 13 minute walk but at toddler speed it can sometimes take an hour and we would have got TOO cold.

After we dropped Aaron off at 09:30 (1.5 hours late) the husband was giving me a lift home, to the door, and he'd go on to a mechanics.

As we passed the place where I always buy coffee on my way back from nursery, I said "can you lend me £2 to get a coffee?".  The husband got out of the car (you know men they need to be standing to access their pockets) and handed me a £2 coin (the price of the coffee).  Then he thought better of it and handed me a further £1 (oooh I was excited that meant I could get a muffin too).

So given that I went to and from nursery by car yesterday, and missed out on my coffee ritual, I approached my coffee seller with a spring in my step.

I said very cheerfully "I could have stayed in a warm car all the way home, but got out here, so that I could get my coffee".

He just looked at me, laughed his head off and said "only because it is your free one" (after 5 purchases we get a free one, loyalty card style, except he maintains the loyalty cards on a notice board for his regulars).

I felt emotionally punched and doubled over (internally) - crying even as I type this.

I held up my £2 coin and my £1 coin (in a really childlike way) and said "but I have these" "the husband just got out of the car in the cold to give them to me".

To which he said something similar again.

Then when he could see I was hurt, he said he was only joking and that he was laughing as he said it to which I said "but that is what you really think".

So I started crying, couldn't help it, and by this stage the coffee was on the counter, so I grabbed it, grabbed a muffin, put the £3 on the counter and through tears I said "I don't want a free one" and walked off as fast as my legs could carry me.

The way I mumbled it through a sob, sounded just like Aaron does when he tries to talk whilst crying but I just couldn't help it.

It's a 10 minute walk from there.

By the time I got home, even holding a warm coffee, my fingers were frozen; yes it is THAT cold.  (I could understand if it was 6 or 7 a.m. but we're talking 09:30 here).

Anyway, when I got in, I could not for the life of me understand why it upset me so much.  And no, it is NOT my time of the month.

But I think it was the fact that I wanted to refuse a lift home to my door in the cold, so as to maintain my daily coffee ritual.  The fact that my husband didn't hesitate in getting out of the car to give me £2 which he increased to £3.  The fact that he didn't even question my expensive coffee habit given my out of work status, and yet then, I got THAT from my coffee seller despite me going to him every day for I don't know how many YEARS.

It is not my time of the month, but there ARE serious astrological things going on today.  Have you noticed? It is 12/12/12 and we will have 12:12 12/12/12 this afternoon.

Anyway, I STILL haven't picked up the yoga, but I think I have to before I go completely under.

I am losing it here.

Liska xxx

What Are My Strengths

Well today in no uncertain terms I found out the answer to that question: What Are My Strengths?

And it wasn't a question I had asked, but facing redundancy at the end of the week it was certainly a question I would soon need to be asking myself.

How refreshing to have the answer before you've posed the question.

That is the beauty of an Astrological Birth Chart Reading.  No this is not a sponsored post - I paid the full £60 required but got more than good value for money.

What generated my interest and caused me to make the booking was a newsletter by Devotion.  As I have known Carolyn for years I trusted her opinion and clicked through to the website she had linked to in the paragraph about the "stars" (entitled AstroZo).

I was hooked and this was only yesterday.  Fired off the email with the self-limiting belief that I wouldn't fit an appointment in before I set off for Ireland.

Although we are both in North London, I did not have to leave the house - we conducted the whole hour long session on Skype and it was very refreshing to use the technology of the modern age to talk about these modern times and what they have in store for moi!

I could totally feel her energy without leaving my home.

The reason I headed this post up in the way I did is because that is what I took from the session and it was the confidence boost that I needed, having been on the PAYE treadmill since the age of 15, having put myself through university.

I have never backpacked round India or taken a career break; even my maternity leave was encroached on by an evil boss who made me work from home for 3 months with just the pay for 10 keeping in touch days in return when I easily did triple that.

So to suddenly be without a job and no longer tied to "the man" the future requires a big leap of faith for me.

But not so much when I hear that the energy is supporting me - like REALLY supporting me.

She said that 9-5 is economic slavery and what is more important in 2012 and the age of aquarius is what you are BEING and how you are interacting - what you have to offer, what is your inherent value to others, to society.

I will do what I care about and I will work to make it last.  I am quality over quantity (so very true).

I am a modern thinker with the ability to express myself over the internet (well I know I had no trouble with my unscripted 8 minute You Tube video which all just fell off the tongue).

I am a natural communicator and I must turn my CV upside down so that I look at hobbies and interests first.  Energise the future and make it a reality.

I am a natural teacher - once I learn something I have no trouble teaching it to others - this was so the case in one of my previous jobs - I LOVE managing a team and teaching them how to excel!

I see the world as a puzzle (ooh that is soooo me!)

She said blogging is good for me.  I am a natural peacemaker and balancer.  Helping people to recalibrate.

From 12 July to 3 August the "stars" will give me structure and independence, backbone, substance and I will feel in control.

I will know my own mind and come from a place of integrity.  I will realise that you can't change someone who does not want to be changed - you hit a brick wall.

I have had Jupiter giving me back my sovereignty for 1.5 years to 2 years.  (I had felt that and assumed it was something to do with motherhood as it coincided with Aaron's lifetime).

25 to 29 July a massive shift is in store for me that will "clear out that which no longer serves me".  It is massive in the sense that it only happens once every 12 years.

So I have until end July to do a lot of clearing, which I think is why I had intuitively booked Ireland - it is NOT the right time to be looking for a job - I need to unwind, download, clear and rejuvenate.  Go within!

I need to clear out debri!

Come 29 August I will step forward in an empowered way - and you know that sits well with me - that is something I can feel - it resonates with me.  It feels and sounds right!

19 August to 26 August will see major things happening.

In August I will come into my power.

I will become aware of the power of my speech.

This year 2012 is all about clearing out and making room. 

This year 2012 is all about collectively regaining our power from the hamster wheel.

Humans are only 4% matter and 96% energy - yet we focus 100% on the 4% - no wonder we tie ourselves up in knots!

She said I should think of myself more as a Relationship Manager than a HR Manager.

She said I need to shine my light and help other people but also BE served.

Break free of working rat race.

Going to Ireland in July (and I am even considering going again in August) will enable me to step "out of time" to see the bigger picture and I will make different decisions come December September.

I love the final note that I made during the reading:

"Only value you have in life is the value you give to yourself!"

If you think a reading will help you, and boost you the way it did me, this is Zoe's website and the readings avaiable are listed here.  You could even try Skype like me and you won't need to leave home.

Bye for now, Liska x

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