The Joy of Being a Mum

I really don't want to talk about the fury that's been present in many circles since the #Blogfest Feminist session.  The words and happenings since it have been even worse.

I am ONLY writing this post to share a Guardian article that says more than I ever could.  Oh and to also archive here my thoughts on a recent Twitter convo!  I saw someone tweeting on 3 occasions that they found a term offensive (FemNazi).  I don't follow them but the only reason I was on their timeline is because they deleted a comment that a friend made on their post, which supposedly contravened their comments policy.  Neither of us felt that it did so, so I went on their timeline to see if it could shed any light.  I saw that it did not, so was just about to do the online version of walking away when I saw the 3 tweet convos about that term.  Because I have got a big mouth I tweeted the person to say that they were calling a term offensive despite it being in their own twitter profile.  Rather than say, oh yes, but that is 2 years' out of date, or some such explanation, I just got told "stop tweeting me".  That I can live with, without the necessity to block me.  However I noticed the term had since been edited out of their Twitter profile, so clearly I had a point, but it seems people in ivory towers don't seem to want to accept when that is the case!  I tweeted a final point, to say that yes, I will stop tweeting, but that I noticed the profile had been edited.  Just because the tweets included someone who was supposed to believe this person WASN'T a FemNazi, apparently my tweets were inviting that person to attack the other..... that word again! Which is also on the same person's blog post, which started this whole thing in the first place.... Oh and the person included on the tweets was someone who I respect greatly who then tweeted me to tell me to fuck off.  A tad extreme and from someone who should know better.  Someone who has been on the receiving end of too much nonsense.

A lot of respect has been lost on all sides in the last 10 days - it's not a good thing and doesn't do ANYONE any favours whatsoever!  It seems that it is all about egos and the ruffling of feathers!  Girls go buy a feather bower if they mean that much to you.  I don't need to talk to peacocks!

So, my only reason for posting today is to share this:

It says so much more than I ever could, and shows the fight we should really be winning and it is not a sexism one!

Maybe when those of us who feel the way we do, get a big enough voice, we can show that we don't have to be doing the 9-5 to make a massive contribution to society!

Childcare is about so much more than economics!

There is an agenda at play and people are so busy on the treadmill they don't even see it!

I don't think I need to tell you what my favourite quotes are from that article and I must give a huge thank you to Cambridge Mummy for sharing it with me!

Man I Feel Like a Woman

After this week, I need to write this post.

I have seen every belief I hold dear about women, challenged, and it's been women doing the challenging!

Luckily there have been the odd tongue in cheek post here and there to lighten the load:

• The Blogfest Kerfuffle goes some way to explaining why we've all been doing what we've been doing - the video is well worth a watch!
• If you read Blogfest a Retrospective, you'll see I am now in the zone of the 2nd quote at the top!

Apparently it's not a good thing if we have an opinion "as a mother!" - I'll let you read that and make your own mind up on that one!

Well as a Mother I will say the following...

... My life as a mother is very different to what went before.  Yes, I had ovaries and a womb, before I became a mother, but you know, you don't become a driver till you take the car for a test drive! 

N.B. don't be predictable and start telling me about all of the other types of mothers there are, like you did with my "boobs from the balcony" comment about "nurturing" which I have sadly learned you all refer to as "caring" :-(

... Our [audience] perspective on being a "Mummy" is not more, nor is it less, relevant than that held by the panel.  However, given that there was only one self-professed "Mummy Blogger" on the panel, our perspective on the question being posed, may well have been more relevant, hence us finding our vocal voice, when our Twitter voice was switched off.  It was kind of inevitable, as the video(s) clearly show.  Alison, I have witnessed, has been accused on Twitter of saying things on panel, that appeased the fractious crowd (I am paraphrasing) but she didn't do so to win a ratings war.  She didn't say anything different on stage, to the things I have always heard [read] her say online (and not just on her blog).  She was authentic to her position, as I know her.  

What's clear on the video also, is that the emotions of the crowd were running in harmony given that everyone laughed at a tweet at the same time, even though you would think that only a certain % would be looking at the screen.  Which is evidenced by one of the panel turning to look at the screen to assess what's going on.  Perhaps the set-up of the whole session needed to be like BBC Question Time, where the audience would have a voice from start to finish, with a Chair that would pose each question to that panel member best placed to answer it. I personally found the session dis-empowering as has been a lot of what I have read since.

... we were told that Feminism "does not want you to [...] swim in a warm soup of self-regard", yet all week I have been getting the impression that the panel would have been in a very warm soup of self-regard, had the session gone well (I won't say "to plan" as the plan was always that warfare would ensue).  Mumsnet is well known for its strong opinions as a forum, and why should its conferences be any different.  Two years in a row, with a conference that led to 85% ranty follow-up blog posts is forming a pattern I'd say.

... as a Mother I would much rather read empowering birth stories that strengten our position as a woman in books like Spiritual Midwifery than some of the belittling things I have read this week.

... Yes, personally, I do believe that Goddesses and Priestesses walked this earth before we had a Patriarchal society, hence I have been trying to hold my own on the comments here:
The Myth of the Empowered Woman in History.  Firstly, I would say, the secret is in the word "history", i.e. HIS STORY.  Of course man has probably burned a lot of the books, and evidence of strong women of the past, but luckily, there are some still alive and well today: 5 Societies Run by Women and What we Can Learn from Them  (now I must state I did not spend long looking for that link, so there may be even better ones to be found).  The lady who wrote that blog post (the former link not the latter) has been incredibly patient and courteous with me and my commenting, BUT, in a week when I have felt very dis-empowered as a woman and as a mother, the ONLY thing that has kept me going has been thinking of my ancient Sisterhood.  Sad to think that even they have come under challenge this week.  Sorry girls (if you're listening from some distant plane or other dimension)!

... The article that panel member Sarah Ditum penned for the New StatesMAN was one of the things that rattled my cage the most this week due to the caption on the photo ("The cult of self-abnegating motherhood is ultimately one that gives more prestige to the mother than benefit to the child. "), and the paragraph:

"They are a sort of fiction – particularly if the blog is a commercial concern, because anyone who works on the internet can tell you that you spend much more time worrying about stats and chasing PRs than you do exchanging tender moments with your subject matter".

Obviously I can only speak on my behalf, but the ONLY thing that suffers when I spend time on commercial stuff on my blog is the housework, NOT tender moments, and hey girls, husband darling picks up the slack - thought you'd like that no?!?!?!?!?

... also that very same New StatesMAN article accuses an audience member of being rude (I don't think she was) and calls her a "full-stop mother".  I very much hope that the author Sarah Ditum has since realised that the person in question is (1) a fellow Blogfest Speaker and (2) VERY much has not "disavow[ed] all involvement with the economic, social, intellectual and political world beyond her children!" (I'll give you a little clue: #TeamHonk).

... it's been a week, where I have been accused of attacking someone, in the comments on this blog post: Feminism Choice and Mummy Bloggers - "attack' is a word my Mum often uses, if someone speaks badly to her, so you would think I would realise that they did not mean physically, (especially given that the recipient of the so called attack was on stage, and I was on a balcony at the back) BUT it just didn't sit very well below other comments that were listing rape statistics.  That kind of made the word "attack" stick in my throat, and made me feel very defensive for being accused of it!

... All in all it's been a week where I think we as women have a long way to go and I think we need to do a lot of housework homework before we'll ever get there!  Starting with a bit of soul searching.  It makes me sad that the spiritual has been lacking from the session, and all of the posts I have seen, but 2013 is the year where the Divine Feminine is going to bite everyone on the bum, so I think I can leave this post here as "she" will take care of that herself, in whatever shape or form!

I have just found a couple of posts that are simply superb and well worth a read.  They have both been written powerfully and with perspective (and a whole heap of hindsight):

Power and Perspective; and
Recipe: Feminist Jam

***

My attendance at #Blogfest 2013 was sponsored by:
The English Mattress Company

Compare and contrast these below 2 images and tell me where the contradiction lies (profile Vs tweet)!!!
I only hope it is a hoax account and not for real - if it is for real, I really am going to say that Feminism is an F word from now on!

 
Edit: 23:27 15/11/13
From what I know of "energy" having taught Kundalini Yoga for 6 years, we have an intention, and a projection.  I, like a lot of other ladies, did not go into that session looking for a fight, but I wonder what the "intent" was of some of the panel, and I wonder what vibes and thoughts they were "projecting".  Because if it was to make some cheap shots at Mummy Bloggers, then it is no wonder things erupted the way that they did!

Edit: 11:17 Saturday 16/11/13
I just discovered this awesome post: Feminism at Blogfest and it has caused me for the umpteenth time to revisit my balcony comments from Saturday 9th November.  I have dared to leave a comment to try and explain, but sadly, due to the fact I am useless at explaining myself, it probably raises more questions than answers them :-( I am used to spending time with like-minded people, so I have never had to explain myself as much as I have had to do this week

I don't like 'ists...

Racists aren't exactly people who embrace people of all colours and creeds.
Sexists don't embrace or respect both sexes.
Ageist people don't respect people of all ages.

So feminists, by the above reasoning don't respect the feminine.

Or do they?

If you want an answer to the question, or an answer to the issue of why I am raising it in the first place, read this blog post by >> Kate Takes 5 (and while there, click through and read the post it was actually a follow up post to).

The people who got personal both on the blog, and more so on Facebook by the sounds of it, seem to do so under the umbrella of feminism, but hey if that is what the umbrella is offering I would rather be rained on thanks.

Personally, as a trained yoga teacher, from what I know of energy, we need the masculine and the feminine, in harmony!

The sort of feminism I would like, is the sort that allows us as women, to excel in a man's world, without becoming a man. For the man's world to embrace what we have to offer.  For the boardroom to say "pull up a chair" because they know we have something valuable to add, because we bring the feminine into it, and the multitude of qualities and gifts that brings.

I have personal experience of it, in that the company I worked for, for 6 years, prior to redundancy, very much became a man's world whilst I was on maternity, and the one remaining female, in Senior Managers meetings, got more in touch with her masculine side in order to be an equal at the table.

All of that male energy, stubbornly rail-roading the company through projects and problems, that often needed a softer approach, lead to a catalogue of disasters that unravelled very quickly.

We live in a Patriarchal society that has been that way for over 2,000 years.  Powerful divine women were edited out of history, but they were powerful IN their femininity and not in spite of it!


So ladies, I would say be divine in your feminine, and don't feel the need to add the IST.... I don't know of an 'ist that is healthy or balanced.

I haven't read any feminist books, or explored the movement in any way.  Perhaps I should in order to add weight to this post, but you know what, the responses to Kate's post don't exactly entice me to do that.

My favourite comment tonight, on Kate's second post, is the one by Laura Murray - it says everything I want to say.

As we have gone into  the workplace, and tried to be all things to all people, what has it done for society?  Where has it got us?  Stressed out and trying to do too much (and I know there are exceptions to that as you will no doubt tell me in the comments).  Laura puts this point more eloquently than me.

What I have noticed from every same sex couple I have ever met, is that one of them is always masculine or slightly so, with the other being more feminine.  Yes I have seen exceptions where two ladies both wear the big meringue dress, but ordinarily, the ones I have met are like the American talk show host: Ellen.

What I am saying here is that we need both, for balance.  Masculine and feminine.  If the latter tries to become the former.... then there is either dysfunction, or men mopping up the balance.... or what?

Can't we excel as women, without treading over men and each other to get there?  I'd like to think we can.

Aaron naturally liked Thomas The Tank Engine and tractors and cars.  We did not encourage it, and at 2 years and 9 months his Dad only played with his cars with him for the first time this Sunday, so it wasn't encouraged in that way.

He just loves cars because he loves Daddy and wants to be like Daddy.

He knows I am "different" in that I am a different sex to him, but that doesn't stop his favourite show on Disney Junior being the show about a Princess, and the last 3 nights all he has wanted me to read him every night is the "Princess and the Frog".

He is intrigued by Princesses, yet he is a boy in every other way.  Boy is he a boy.  But I will let him embrace both aspects of himself.  There is masculine and feminine in all of us.

I am sorry that I have not quoted any staunch Feminist authors, or brought any wise words to this blog post.  It just is what it is! A late night ramble from me, to you.

And hey pink is cool and so is blue.  Aaron wore a lot of orange when he was younger...

Let's embrace all colours hey!

Just found this on the interweb and it says it way better than me:

Why Feminists should not be Against Feminine