Sunday, 2 September 2012

I am Not Like You

Today, many parents are getting excited - the kids go back to school - the 6 week Summer Holiday is over.

Well, I am not like you.  I am not excited.

Let me tell you why.

I got made redundant on 5th July.  I then ducked off to Ireland with Aaron for 10 days.  I'd not had any annual leave since December and boy did I need that break.  I'd actually booked flights to go in May, but THE DAY we were due to fly was THE DAY we went into administration.  Suffice to say I did not go in May, and lost the price of my flight, hence I then went at the first opportunity.

I then had to go to Ireland again in August for a large family wedding; me and Aaron went for 11 days.

In and around those Ireland trips me and Aaron have gone on LOTS of day trips with his cousins.

Even tonight I write this, tired, after spending the afternoon taking 4 children swimming.

Their mum was busy with the Olympics, followed by Paralympics, so I kind of adopted them for the Summer.  They kind of adopted Aaron as their little brother.

Tonight when I left Grandmas, where they have stayed for the 6 weeks, they all hugged me and kissed me and thanked me for making it a memorable Summer.

They have become my gang the last few weeks.

No I am not happy they are going back to school.

I am totally bereft.

I write this post with a very heavy heart, and heavy eyes laden with tears, with a huge lump in my throat.

The youngest today kept pointing out the obvious which was really winding me up, so we even made a song out of that:

"You make me want to shout, when you point the obvious out!".

Everything was a game, or a song, or an adventure.

For the last few weeks I have been carefree.  I have been the eldest in a gang of 5; me as the eldest, Aaron as the youngest.

I have enjoyed it.

Autumn feels like it is looming over me like a large giant, and to be honest I want to tell Autumn to get lost.

For the first time since April, I feel feelings that have a similar "note" and tone to the feelings I experienced during PND.

I so don't want to go back there.

I have to hope that fate sends me a job.

I need right now to be distracted.

What's the female version of Peter Pan?

That's been me.

Kids 

I know you'll never read this but I am missing you all already.  I know you are looking forward to going back to school; the excitement of seeing friends that you couldn't meet up with from Grandma's.

I will make my heavy heart lighter by concentrating on the fun I know you'll have at school.

I know I made your Summer memorable, but rest assured you had the same effect on me.

Love you,

Auntie xxx

9 comments:

  1. Ahh Liska, try to see it as an opportunity. Your path is clear right now to do whatever and the Lord will show you the way. Maybe a career change and something in childcare? working with kids? Take care, Mich x

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    1. Thank you your comment means more than you'll ever know. xx

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  2. I also thought maybe a job working with children for a while might be your path. You are a great Auntie, lucky nieces and nephews. Don't think of this as the end but rather a new beginning. Have a wonderful year! xxx

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    1. Seeing the comments from you and Mich whilst eating my breakfast meant the world.
      Liska x

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  3. This brough a lump to my throat too :( It's always so sad when things draw to an end....try and focus on the happy times and look to new things. x

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    1. Thank you for visiting and for commenting - such a lovely comment too.
      Liska x

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  4. Liska, I am one of those parents that was excited to see my little parents starting school for the 1st time today, but I can tell from your post how miserable you are at losing your little gang!! I promise you that things will get better for you hun, these things always take their own sweet time in happening, but when they do, they happen at just the exact right time! LOVED THIS POST - esp the little note at the bottom to the kids xo

    P.S. Can you be my honorary Auntie too?? You sound like loads of fun - hope I have the same success as you with my new little niece or nephew (when he/she finally makes an appearance lol)

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  5. Wow, this post brought a tear to my eye. What a fantastic summer you guys must have had. You are clearly a great auntie. My 2 nephews now live in Canada so I rarely see them and wish I could more.

    The guys above are right though. Maybe now is time to take stock and maybe make some plans for yourself.

    Hope all goes well xxx

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Drop me a line, and I will visit you right back - as soon as I get chance. Thanks for your comment.