Saturday, 25 May 2013

The Pressure to Write

I haven't blogged lately despite having lots of material, because I just haven't been in the mood or the zone. 

Last Saturday we went to a "carpet market" - I have STUNNING photos from that, as anyone who is friend's with me on Facebook may already know, but apart from a solitary #SilentSunday post, I have not shared it with you.

We had an amazing day in the park on Sunday and yet I did not blog about that either.  Our new best friend "Bob" went everywhere with us and posed for some great shots.

Early on this week I discovered I was £130 overdrawn which is now £200.

I have not been overdrawn since probably 2007.  It's come as a big shock, and makes me question my status as a SAHM, AND the way I used my redundancy money.

It's good to NOT have regrets, but I have spent the whole week regretting so so so many things, and it didn't leave me with the words to describe ANY of my feelings in an eloquent manner.

Once upon a time my blog was a cathartic place where I could share everything and anything but as the standard of blogging improves beyond measure, I am often felt feeling that unless I can write a masterpiece I should just keep my thoughts to myself.

Older Mum wrote a truly fabulous colourful post for a linky she's invented called #OnceUponATime.  I read it, and immediately wanted to write a post that I could link up.  I even wrote the first two paragraphs of it, but whereas her post sounded multi-dimesional, and so full of energy and spice, mine sounded flat.... I decided to walk away from the computer and go to bed.

Today, I have seen that BritMums yesterday announced the Bloggers' Keynote Lineup...

Again, super posts.... but I am not always in the mood to write a super post and am far from a writer.

I wish I could write like nobody was reading, like I once did.  So many posts get edited in my head before I write them, and by edited I mean, so much so, that they don't see the light of the keyboard AT ALL...

I think:
"oh that would sound depressing"
"that would make me sound like such and such"
"do I really want to share THAT"
"don't have regrets - THAT sounds like you do"

etc etc etc....

I EVEN don't write the positive posts, because I think that makes me sound like I am happy, when today I know that I am not.  For example, I could write a positive post on Monday about something that happened on Sunday, but if I am not FEELING it on Monday, I find it HARD to write it, as I am very authentic and DON'T write things if I am not feeling it.

I also find it very HARD spending lots of time on the blog when I know it is not making me any money and I know I am BROKE....

I still don't want to go back to work, but I NEED to do SOMETHING....

And there again I come back to the subject heading, the pressure to write.

I am not at all a born writer, so I can't even make that lucrative.... so what on Earth do I do....?

I hope God, or a Guide or an Angel, or even a Fairy at the bottom of the garden will provide an answer and hopefully soon-ish.

Oh and as an aside, I keep missing stages of Aaron's development that I ought to record on here.  He reaches a new milestone nearly every week, and I think I'll record them, and then we're on to the next one and I have forgotten about the one before.  A few weeks before I promised myself I would blog about his Norovirus for anyone else who may go through it, for information.  I never did and now I have forgotten too many of the details.

I'd love this to be a record of so many things - even the weather - so I can look back at it in the years to come, but it just misses too many bits of life, and the inner journeys, out.

I need to decide where I am headed, both in life and with this blog...

Liska xx


  1. Oh hun no great advice or miracle fix here, but wanted you to know you aren't talking to yourself. I'm here Liska

    1. Thanks - I have missed chatting with you on Twitter xx

  2. Woo Liska, slow down. If you want to write, then write it, even if you read it and think 'that's crap' - its your crap and sometimes we need to get it out (do not for one minute read that as me saying your blog is crap) and if you can't be arsed to blog then don't. Dump the pressure. Those of us who know and like ou will still be here when you come back to it. Give yourself a break and see how it goes.

    Looking forward to seeing you at BML.

    Mich x

    1. Yes, looking forward to a great cuddle at BML xx

  3. Don't give in, we ALL go through these times. Give yourself some time to sit back, take stock and enjoy Aaron then come back when you're ready. We will still be here, big hugs xxx

  4. I was made redundant whilst on maternity leave with my second baby. He is now 14 months & we are struggling BIG time. I find it hard to keep positive and seem to miss a lot of his "special" moments as I am constantly trying to sort, clean, work, etc...
    It's hard.
    Being a mum isn't easy but you are certainly not alone. Even if this is your outlet for moaning over the next few weeks, use it, get it out.
    Hook up with me on twitter @carlyjolewis as I only stumbled across your post by accident & would love to hear you moan more ;-) and then read your proper writing when you are happier xx
    P.S. You have to listen to me as I may not be at the bottom of the garden but I am a Fairy...

    1. Lovely to have a Fairy visit my blog ;-)
      and thank you for your kind words.
      Nice to know I am not alone

  5. Write, write, and write, then write some more, write from your heart (you write with A LOT of passion and honesty and love as it is) and then carry on writing. I am such a perfectionist with my writing, and I sometimes put myself under so much pressure to write 'the best post' which is unhealthy and then I feel demoralised and want to walk away from my blog... write like you are blind folded and you are writing a last ever letter to a really close friend - let the words flow what ever they might be, and be authentic and true to yourself which is always what comes across in your writing. My writing wasn't great when I first started out, I practiced and practiced and wrote and wrote, and over time it improved and I'm still learning. This is your space to write whatever you please and be the person you need to be. And please link up to #onceuponatime, I'll bet you have a great story to tell! I am really looking forward to seeing you again at Britmums live, you are so lovely to be around. (ps thank you for mentioning me in your post). XXX

  6. PPs Also totally agree with Michelle - if you need a blog break - then take one. I have a number of times and I always come back refreshed and with a better perspective. Take all pressure off yourself. X


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