Wednesday 30 April 2014

The Tantrum to End All Tantrums

It was a full on day today, as is often the case with a 3 year old boy who has shed loads of energy!

A few hours at nursery did not at all tire him out, so when I collected him he wanted to go to the park.

When I explained that he had had lunch at "school" and I was hungry he simply explained that we'd go to the cafe and then to the park.

This was a real roundabout walk, given that you pass the park to get to the cafe, but I agreed. (Call it caved in if you will).

On the way to the cafe, he hops into a charity shop and unwraps a yo yo, which I then have to buy. 50p so I was cool with it.

Except, when I was trying to eat my food, my beautiful all day breakfast, all he wanted to do was get yo yo lessons as he could not get it to work. Every time I tried to make him wait, a tantrum bubbled under the surface. Suffice to say it must have taken me an hour to eat it, while all of the elderly patrons in there got much joy out of watching Aaron's failures, and some successes with said yo yo.

He only got told off for running around once, but it was so firmly, that I doubt if we'll be back.

Anyhow, the only thing that kept me going was knowing that I could have a sit down in the park. He's normally very independent there and makes friends.

However he wanted to be pushed on the swing. So I did for 10 minutes, but then the foot with GOUT in started to kill me with pain, so I asked if I could sit down for 10 minutes to rest it, at which time I would resume pushing him on said swing. Except (1) he didn't want to do ANYTHING else (2) you don't ASK a 3 year old anything, unless you want to abdicate all control as a parent (I should have learned this lesson by now) - you tell them and (3) he got me back good-o! The whole time I sat on the park bench he smacked me. On the arms on the face, everywhere. I tried to restrain him while reasoning with him. The minute a 3 year old hears negotiation, they've won... My boy, who can have conversations with me, like he's a small adult, turned into something that seemed like a possessed thing from a horror movie. Bearing in mind the park was not empty I was mortified especially considering that this went on for circa 20 minutes.

Anyhow, the reason my leg was so so sore, is because when we left nursery at the beginning of the round-about walk to the park, he spent 20 minutes in one road, while he looked at snails and other insects... he's obsessed with the small kingdom at present.

If you know gout you will know it does not like inactivity. I can walk for miles and miles, but that 20 minutes of standing there saying "Aaron c'mon!" killed me.

Anyhow he further killed me by all of the smacking on the bench. Wriggling when I was restraining him. Bad thing was I DID immediately on entering the park push him on the swing, I just wanted a break. And considering he normally runs off, I'd expected one.

Anyhow, he got his own way (I didn't exactly give in immediately, we spent 20 mins on that bench as I decided to be just as stubborn as him due to the pain I was in) and we went back to the swing.

The whole time I was pushing him, I was vacant; emotionally joyless and vacant.

He seemingly sat there and relaxed the whole time I pushed, but when the pushing came to a natural conclusion this was what I was faced with, when I walked round the front to see my ordinarily beautiful boy.

He was visibly crushed! His first words to me "what can I do to make you happy?"

So I took him back to the scene of the crime, the bench, and explained to him, that when you do the wrong things to get something, there is no joy in it when you get it. He understood. I think we made progress.

Only trouble is, he smacked me and fought with me tonight, when I tried to put his PJs on. But I held him, and just kept telling him I loved him. Because of the way I was holding him, he could not get the swing with legs or arms, to make contact with me, so he just kept shaking and wriggling instead. It was in fact quite scary as if he was possessed, so at one point, I turned him to face me, and looked at him, and said "look at me". I looked into his eyes and said "I love you" and it was like he returned. He giggled and he was mine again.

These scary tantrums are a recent phenomenon, and I think I need to love him through them.

Fingers crossed they'll soon be a thing of the past as with so many parental hurdles.

We did still manage 3 good things for Embrace Happy though.

1. I decluttered a VERY cluttered worktop.
2. I did eventually get to put my feet up in that park albeit very briefly.
3. I had a cooked breakfast in the cafe, even though it was interrupted by yo to tuition.

I should really have included the fact that I like many other bloggers was blessed with Morrisons vouchers in the post today - more on that to come, when I write a foodie post after the Bank Holiday May weekend.

Liska xxx

1 comment:

  1. Oh, bless him - I totally agree though. When children push limits sometimes all they need is love! I have tried to tell people this so many times - people can get so angry at 'bad' or challenging behaviour, but often times they need a hug to calm down before it a be rationally discussed.


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