I think
while I was sleeping (literally) a great big Blog Train left the station and I wasn’t
on it.
That’d be fine if I was taking another form of transport, but I seem to
keep running from station to station, watching its continued journey.
Every now
and again, I get distracted with real life, and even have a little fun.
But then
boom, I find myself at one of the stations that the train stops at, everyone
waves out the window and the train departs.
I look in my empty pocket for the train ticket and the moment looks a bit like this:
This open
door moment escapes me:
I know I am
doing something wrong.
I know I have got busy with “life” whilst others got
busy with blogging.
I know I somehow missed the boat train.
I know while others
chose left, I seemingly chose right, but until I find another way of boosting
my self esteem, it hurts, like really really hurts.
If I read
this post a year ago, or in 2009/10/11/ or 2012, I wouldn’t be able to relate to any of what I am saying.
I would probably even think “get over yourself”
like you are doing now.
I don’t
know what ingredients go into the low-self-esteem cake, but my cake seems to
have them all.
Unless you’re in THAT exact moment in time, you won’t relate.
I wouldn’t
want you to either. It’s a low, desperate, ugly picture.
Stay on the
train, and enjoy the ride. Try not to look out the window, or you may see the
ugliness that is me, with my nose pushed up against the glass.
I think I
need a social media break, or … or … I don’t actually know what. This lowness
that keeps descending on me, seems to get deeper each time it comes.
Like a
wishing well that is bottomless. Maybe the water that is my tears will meet the
water in the well when I finally reach its bottom.
Perhaps
give me a wide berth for now – it ain’t pretty!
By the way I know it is a perilous journey, with no guarantee of a seat, for anyone. I know it's hard work staying on that train.
In fact it looks a bit like this:
Bye for now, enjoy your ride, and say hello to the Ticket Master for me
Wow, my blog was just found by this:
http://www.google.com/facebook.com/twitter/youtube_monoply_now_decide_what_you_can_and_cannot_read_on_the_internet.html
Like I needed another thing to make me feel down today!
Keep on keeping on darling. There is no blog train. It doesn't matter what others are doing. It's all about you, what you are doing and what you are achieving. I think you are quite fabulous and if there is a train then you have a spare seat next to me, we can get the next one x
ReplyDeleteI might just take you up on that. I might just have cried on receiving your thoughtful comment.
DeleteThank you x
:( oh lovely. Believe me I know all about the low self esteem thing. Two years ago I was in a successful career, oodles of friends, spare money, a nice car, a mortgage. Now I am renting, taking the bus, jobless and having to take cans back to the beer store for money! I know it is all going to be better in the long run, but boy does that play havoc with my self esteem. My blog is literally the only thing I have ownership over now! I recently tried to drive a car and had a panic attack and added driving to my long list of 'things I cannot do anymore' list since suffering this low self esteem. I do know where you are. We both just have to keep going and remember to be positive and try to make changes from within as this is where our self esteem comes from!
Delete