Thursday 1 November 2012

The World's Gone Mad Part III - what's at stake

Before I meet the Manager tonight (RE: Tuesday night - discussed in my last 2 blog posts), I wanted to get clear in my mind what is at stake here.

My current thoughts are as follows:
  1. She is not honest
    1. She knew we had "disagreed" yet she kept saying to my friend last night "I was nice to L" and "I wasn't rude to L" and "I was sympathetic".  ALL untrue.
    2. She approached my friend by saying "You looked at me and I thought you wanted to talk" - that is a lie as she only said "I am going to speak to Y's Mum" when I asked to speak with W, and had to go off to the nursery room, to find her to do so, which means they did not even talk in private whereas W and I did.
    3.  I really cannot at all abide liars, even when it is done to get one out of a fix!
  2. She is lacking management skills to have handled Tuesday night the way she did.
  3. She has the wrong priorities.  She kept stressing to my friend last night that she is now going to have to write to ALL parents to say that if you get another parent to collect your child they cannot wait in reception.  This seems to be her priority.  Typical public services.  She should first be making this right with the people that participated in what took place.  With public services I have noticed it is all about policy and procedure.  You know what? I am happy with that but where were they on Tuesday night? They were severely lacking!
  4. All of this proves to me that I did the right thing in going above her head because
    1. She just doesn't get it.
    2. She seems manipulative (going to Y's Mum to "get her on side") 
    3. Because she doesn't "get it" I would never have got an apology, so going formal is the only way that will happen.
    4. Looking after children's welfare DOES NOT stop when a clock strikes 18:14.  I stress again what I have stressed before.  What if one of them had got run over.  It was my first time collecting Aaron in the dark and neither of them had a buggy and they are both only 2 years old.
    5. She doesn't have empathy, sympathy, or the good grace to see when she is being insensitive.
    6. Parents (as well as the children) need to be treated with respect.
    7. You do NOT argue with somebody about what THEY agreed to, when they KNOW what they agreed to.  And at no point between 6 and 6:15 did she attempt to speak to me, or call Y's Mum (on Tuesday).
    8. This morning I have had to sign a consent form, so that Aaron can meet and handle reptiles and spiders at 10 a.m. yet I did not have to sign a form to say that I was collecting "Y" (a) because the people that gave him to me KNEW that I was only waiting in reception with him and (b) that means there wasn't the paperwork trail to back up what G was insisting to me, meaning that if (c) the worst happened on the way home, she would not have had a (paper) leg to stand on, if I said all of the things I am saying now.  Meaning she should be humble enough or human enough, that when someone tells you WHAT they agreed to, you should either (a) make a new agreement and (b) believe them.
  5. I say "make a new agreement", as say it had all gone very differently, where they WERE still stuck at station X, AND it got so late that I DID have to leave, and say she WAS nice about asking me to leave. Then she should have been saying, I need you to sign Y out, so that you are assuming parental control for him.  THIS WAS NOT DONE.  And you know what, even if it was not that formal, all she needed to have done, was be pleased that they were near.  Remember my original post, I went to her to say I have phoned them and they are one stop away.  She did not give a shit...! Why not? She stops being professional just because the little hand says 6 and the big hand says 15 (or rather 14)?????
Anyway, it will be very interesting to see what happens when I meet W tonight.

She is going to speak to everyone I named.  Only trouble is, the parent who was also delayed, who took a different route and did get there.  The one who was in reception with me and witnessed it all.  Despite being a "friend" I know he doesn't want to get involved.  While we walked down the road and before the delayed parents pulled up in their car, (Tuesday) he did not want to talk about it (I think he was stressed at the journey he had just gone through to try and get there on time) - if he says the same to the nursery, when W calls him today, it will be my word against G's and I don't want to get into that arena :-(

It is a shame as he is very outspoken and very opinionated and I know he'd feel the same if he was on the receiving end of what I was, so I hope he has my back on this one.

If this really kicks off, I could lose 2 friends (both other parents) and I would be GUTTED if that happens.

Anyway, one of the reasons I am doing this is to ensure that G never speaks to another parent the way she did to me, so I hope I at least get that result out of it.

A couple of people on Facebook have told me I should complain to Offsted but I have checked and they have ZERO complaints so I DO NOT want to rock the boat by being the first.

Update to come later once I have met W at 17:30 - give me chance to get home though first eh... :-)

Liska xx


  1. I think you need to simplify this and focus on the most important things. I don't think G is a liar, rather she is scared that she did the wrong thing and trying to cover herself. I think you will have more success if you don't make it personal. It's not commendable what she is doing but I would let it go. What is more important is the zero tolerance on letting you wait inside for for 10 minutes even after you explained the situation. On every level this was wrong - professional, human kindness, safety, PR, client loyalty and relations.... If you get their agreement on this you can be sure that G will get flack from above for allowing it to happen so you don't have get involved.

    Bottom line: If a parent is delayed and the child is not signed out with another parent then they are still responsible for the child. There cannot be a situation where they throw that child out into the cold and dark with another parent who feels less than able to cope with an extra child in these circumstances. You were not happy about taking this child outside on your own in the dark with no car to sit in even, they should not have forced you. Stick to this issue, please. If you make it personal against G you will lose as then it's only about hurt feelings not child safety. Good luck.

  2. I could hug you right now - you are SO RIGHT xx

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  4. Midlife single mum is the voice of reason, really an appology would be nice, but not essential your upset has been caused an an appology alone won't make you feel much better, instead try to state you wish them to be aware of the pitfuls to their procedure, if they shut up at 6.15 thats is fair enough but they must have a back up for the un expected, I would say it is a misunderstanding as you were in touch with the late parent via phone, they assume you knew her well enough to take the child with you, you should have from the off set after speaking to the late parent made your stance clear, I will wait until 6.15, if your not hear by then I've got to get off home without your child? or I will take your child right now at 6pm home with me pick him up from mine here is my address, hence then everyone is clear whats happening, the nursery you say did not let you sit with the child until they had spoke to the late parent, which at that point the parent gave them concent to leave you in charge I assume, so they had already cleared the resonsibility over to yourself. I do think it is all getting dragged out of hand, and like the other late parent said, you do have to pick your battles, be clear what your un happy about, and how you feel they could have done things different.

    1. Thank you. Everything you say makes perfect sense.

      I just think that when responsibility is being passed over, each party needs to know the parameters of that, and we did "in reception".

      Once she knew it was a grey area, she chose to take the bully tone, instead of saying "Oh I didn't realise".

      Plus I said "I am only comfortable leaving as they are only 1 stop away" and if she'd been happy for me that I was happy, and happy that they were near (for them and a horrible journey) and for the Boy that his parents were near, she'd have been human, but instead she'd laughed and said "either way I'd be chucking you out" which is no way to speak to people.

      SHE KNOWS I don't drive, and she KNOWS it is the first week of collecting kids in the black dead dark night.

      There was no compassion.

      But I agree I HATE the fact that it is getting dragged out (mountain molehill)...

      I guess I was in a state of shock that someone in a work capacity would be so unsympathetic and speak to me in this way.

      I am always incredulous when I experience rudeness as I am even polite to criminals, if I am working/paid to do so. I never ever let the veil of professionalism drop and am saddened when others do.

      Liska x

  5. I think you should report them to OFSTED. The reason I say this is that although you had permission to wait with the child, you did not have parental responsibility for them or permission from the parent to take them from the nursery. I realise you have a child at the nursery so this is unlikely, and obviously you are not that type of person, but you could have abducted that child so easily and the nursery would have done nothing to stop you. At the end of the day the manager should have waited with the child until the parent arrived and charged them for it.


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