The Joy of Being a Mum

I really don't want to talk about the fury that's been present in many circles since the #Blogfest Feminist session.  The words and happenings since it have been even worse.

I am ONLY writing this post to share a Guardian article that says more than I ever could.  Oh and to also archive here my thoughts on a recent Twitter convo!  I saw someone tweeting on 3 occasions that they found a term offensive (FemNazi).  I don't follow them but the only reason I was on their timeline is because they deleted a comment that a friend made on their post, which supposedly contravened their comments policy.  Neither of us felt that it did so, so I went on their timeline to see if it could shed any light.  I saw that it did not, so was just about to do the online version of walking away when I saw the 3 tweet convos about that term.  Because I have got a big mouth I tweeted the person to say that they were calling a term offensive despite it being in their own twitter profile.  Rather than say, oh yes, but that is 2 years' out of date, or some such explanation, I just got told "stop tweeting me".  That I can live with, without the necessity to block me.  However I noticed the term had since been edited out of their Twitter profile, so clearly I had a point, but it seems people in ivory towers don't seem to want to accept when that is the case!  I tweeted a final point, to say that yes, I will stop tweeting, but that I noticed the profile had been edited.  Just because the tweets included someone who was supposed to believe this person WASN'T a FemNazi, apparently my tweets were inviting that person to attack the other..... that word again! Which is also on the same person's blog post, which started this whole thing in the first place.... Oh and the person included on the tweets was someone who I respect greatly who then tweeted me to tell me to fuck off.  A tad extreme and from someone who should know better.  Someone who has been on the receiving end of too much nonsense.

A lot of respect has been lost on all sides in the last 10 days - it's not a good thing and doesn't do ANYONE any favours whatsoever!  It seems that it is all about egos and the ruffling of feathers!  Girls go buy a feather bower if they mean that much to you.  I don't need to talk to peacocks!

So, my only reason for posting today is to share this:

It says so much more than I ever could, and shows the fight we should really be winning and it is not a sexism one!

Maybe when those of us who feel the way we do, get a big enough voice, we can show that we don't have to be doing the 9-5 to make a massive contribution to society!

Childcare is about so much more than economics!

There is an agenda at play and people are so busy on the treadmill they don't even see it!

I don't think I need to tell you what my favourite quotes are from that article and I must give a huge thank you to Cambridge Mummy for sharing it with me!

The Many Sides of Mummy Blogging

Once upon a time if a sensitive blog post was written it would get minimum 70 or so comments - often more than 100.  Everyone took a side and everyone had a mate worth sticking up for.  There were clear tribes!  When I first joined the Mummy Blogging tribe (ages after I started blogging) it appeared that there were two tribes.  That very quickly became four, then 8 then 16 and now I have lost count.

Source: Tomruen using Vladimir Bulatov's Polyhedra Stellations Applet from Wikimedia

The other thing, is that people belong to more than one.  So warning to new bloggers, don't criticise A, B, or C to D, because no doubt, despite being in different tribes, they no doubt overlap in one or more, being that people are members of more than one.  It's not as straight forward as football teams.  No, no, no, no no.  You don't simply see a Spurs kit and know the person supports Spurs. Nope! No Siree, Mummy Bloggers support many teams even if to you they may appear contradictory, or mutually exclusive.

So the easiest thing is to say "each to their own" and swiftly move along.  Take people at face value, and don't assume anyone likes or dislikes anyone, of course until they make it abundantly clear on Twitter LOL, as happened very recently.  What was wonderful is that although it was car crash it did not become a pile up.  People largely watched - silently - from the side lines while the carnage was taken away, and then all went quiet, and the lions slept, snored, and the next day despite little rumbles in the jungle, all was quiet.

The funny thing is, some of the people who make war, not love, online, would probably be the best of mates if they went to school together.

When Sian To wrote her No Mummy Bloggers Allowed blog post, yes it led to some Twitter rows, (as discussed above) and some Twitter blocking as people made very clear - or at least the blockees did (and probably lots of quiet unfollowing), but the blog comments are few and relatively tame, compared to years gone by.

Why? Well I think there are many reasons, with the biggest being that life is too short, and people's emotional systems are so exhausted with their own real life dramas that they don't have the capacity to get involved in online ones.

I think part of it though is that people don't know which side to be on, as they can't even tell what side the protaganists are on.  It's all a blur.  Maybe spiritually that is good, as in WE ARE ONE! Say a silent prayer! :-)

The BEST tweet throughout the whole affair, which partly inspired this post was:

So what I need today is a breakdown of who hates who in the blogging world. I can't keep up any longer.
— Mrs M (@madamding) August 7, 2013

Most of the knickers in a twist comments I have seen have been regarding the fact that the blog post stated (or so we thought) that Mummy Bloggers are not welcome at Cybher.... Well given that I went this year, and I had lots of company, I knew this could not be true and thus tweeted the author.   I very quickly got a reasonable answer without swords being raised.  An answer that made sense too.

BUT I did not raise my real issues with the blog post.  My real issue is with the many veiled digs at BritMums.  I didn't say anything as it is NOT my war to wager, but it is as clear as the nose on my face that there is karma to be cleared with Cybher Vs BritMums Live.  Sian says she made mistakes with Cybermummy (I went in 2011) and has addressed this with how Cybher is conducted. THAT is fair enough, but did I not see some digs at BritMums Live?  Anyhow, here again I go back to "sides" - I have been to BOTH BritMums Live AND Cybher, so I guess that makes me a member of both tribes.  It's not my war to win.  BY THE WAY: I just read the post again and can't see that many digs at all, so I think what you take from a post when you first read it is very different when you read it again in a new light... The sheer shock of reading certain statements that make you go OMG for a minute can sway your take on the whole post, as happened with me.  I read it very different now today, reading it again.

I am glad that Mummy Bloggers have largely downed swords and that it is mainly the 8k + followers brigade who are big and brave enough to fight it out amongst themselves.  The rest of us are too tender and delicate to get embroiled.  I'd say a whole heap of us read those tweets though.  I read them the night it happened whereas I think others caught up the next day.

Newer bloggers won't remember the days when it would have led to a pile up, the equivalent of the whole of the M25 with lights out.  Luckily we have moved beyond those days, and I very much hope the main protagonists have calmed down and are over it.

What do you think?  The only blog post I have seen about it is this one The Mummy Blogger Game of Thrones, which is quite apt, considering the heavy weights that were involved in the Twitter war! I love that the post does not take itself too seriously, and that was the same spirit that runs through the comments.

If all of this passed you by, then carry on regardless and enjoy your Summer.