Wednesday 22 June 2011

The Pain of Ending Breastfeeding


My breastfeeding story is a LONG one and has many twists and turns which is why I have never written it.

It is the posts that most need to be written, that never get written.

Anyway Aaron had a tongue tie, so breastfeeding wasn't properly established until 6 weeks (yep you read that right) - deserves a dedicated post of its own, but that is not what this post is about.

This is about the fact that I have breastfed Aaron till 1 year, but due to a couple of severe biting incidents - the worst being on his birthday (15th) I gave up breastfeeding on Saturday.
Told family on Sunday that I'd stopped - got mixed reactions - and then Sunday night I cried into my pillow (instead of sleeping) for 2 solid hours and this was full on deep crying that felt even worse than the crying I had with PND.

I was sinking in an ocean and it all seemed a big deal........ I literally felt like I had lost my "baby" and that he was now this independent little man - I was devastated. Another emotion I had was that I couldn't go back to being pre-mother but now I was no longer mother WHAT was I? It sounds so so so so daft now, but Sunday night it was VERY very real.

So what did I do?
I breastfed him on Monday
and again on Tuesday
and again today.

For some reason, my milk is still working even though I am not expressing and I am only bf once a day (after work) but more often on non-work days.  I also thought it may have stopped between bf on Saturday (what I thought was the last time) and then on Monday, as normally feeding during the night helps supply and I hadn't done that during those days either...

Don't get me wrong the volumes are NOT large as we have always topped up with bottles due to low milk supply (another post waiting to be written) but it still works and I am pleased as it gets Aaron to sleep AND comforts him, no matter what's wrong.

I don't know when I will feel ready to stop - but not now!

Liska xxx