Emotional Wreck or just Over Sensitive

Normally Aaron and I walk to and from nursery, but the temperatures yesterday and today have really DROPPED and the frost is unreal.  I have lived here for 11 years and never seen this before frozen spider webs:

Our deck chair that has remained in the garden since summer

our wheelie bin

So despite getting up at 7 a.m. and Aaron and I being ready and dressed by 8:30 a.m. we waited till after 09:00 for Daddy to be ready so he could drive us to nursery.

It's a 13 minute walk but at toddler speed it can sometimes take an hour and we would have got TOO cold.

After we dropped Aaron off at 09:30 (1.5 hours late) the husband was giving me a lift home, to the door, and he'd go on to a mechanics.

As we passed the place where I always buy coffee on my way back from nursery, I said "can you lend me £2 to get a coffee?".  The husband got out of the car (you know men they need to be standing to access their pockets) and handed me a £2 coin (the price of the coffee).  Then he thought better of it and handed me a further £1 (oooh I was excited that meant I could get a muffin too).

So given that I went to and from nursery by car yesterday, and missed out on my coffee ritual, I approached my coffee seller with a spring in my step.

I said very cheerfully "I could have stayed in a warm car all the way home, but got out here, so that I could get my coffee".

He just looked at me, laughed his head off and said "only because it is your free one" (after 5 purchases we get a free one, loyalty card style, except he maintains the loyalty cards on a notice board for his regulars).

I felt emotionally punched and doubled over (internally) - crying even as I type this.

I held up my £2 coin and my £1 coin (in a really childlike way) and said "but I have these" "the husband just got out of the car in the cold to give them to me".

To which he said something similar again.

Then when he could see I was hurt, he said he was only joking and that he was laughing as he said it to which I said "but that is what you really think".

So I started crying, couldn't help it, and by this stage the coffee was on the counter, so I grabbed it, grabbed a muffin, put the £3 on the counter and through tears I said "I don't want a free one" and walked off as fast as my legs could carry me.

The way I mumbled it through a sob, sounded just like Aaron does when he tries to talk whilst crying but I just couldn't help it.

It's a 10 minute walk from there.

By the time I got home, even holding a warm coffee, my fingers were frozen; yes it is THAT cold.  (I could understand if it was 6 or 7 a.m. but we're talking 09:30 here).

Anyway, when I got in, I could not for the life of me understand why it upset me so much.  And no, it is NOT my time of the month.

But I think it was the fact that I wanted to refuse a lift home to my door in the cold, so as to maintain my daily coffee ritual.  The fact that my husband didn't hesitate in getting out of the car to give me £2 which he increased to £3.  The fact that he didn't even question my expensive coffee habit given my out of work status, and yet then, I got THAT from my coffee seller despite me going to him every day for I don't know how many YEARS.

It is not my time of the month, but there ARE serious astrological things going on today.  Have you noticed? It is 12/12/12 and we will have 12:12 12/12/12 this afternoon.

Anyway, I STILL haven't picked up the yoga, but I think I have to before I go completely under.

I am losing it here.

Liska xxx

Music as Therapy

I know those of you who are sane will already know this but it took a LOT for me to realise that the answer lay in music.

I have had one of those weeks where every day I felt like I got out the wrong side of the bed; it wasn't of all my own making - the husband has been challenging me with his words, behaviour and tone since Saturday onwards and it's been an upward struggle - this morning I could not even take solace from the various forums I am a member of, as it got to the stage where I thought if I hear one more human say ANYTHING remotely emotional I will eat my own head AND hat.

So the computer got turned off and Aaron and I went out in the sun.  We're only just back.

NORMALLY that would mean that while I washed the dishes I would have lbc 97.3 on, but given that I haven't got any room for voices in my head today I put Magic on (a channel I never listen to) and it is back to back music with no adverts and I was transported.

The first song was bon jovi, which was the absolute favourite of my best mate in secondary school - a warm glow enveloped me immediately and it was cheaper better than any therapy.

Next song up and I was being spoken to, but I don't know the name of the song, but the lyrics were certainly speaking to me and telling me to get on with it - my heart opened.

And once the last song had told me what I now need to do, the next song rather appropriately sang to me:
Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now

So this weekend I need to get my other website up and running, and more often realise, that therapy can be found in music, and the artist's chosen lyrics!

I am feeling much better than I did earlier.

To anyone spiritual who may be reading, this 2012 shit is really really hotting up.

I won't go into details in this post, BUT there is INTENSE planetary energetic stuff going on, and it'll hot up for 12/12/2012 and for Winter Solstice 21/22 December.

We'll be a new world after that.  We've been building up to this for over 20 years.

I've had THREE newsletters about it, and it took till the 3rd one for them to say you might have bad moods, nightmares and depression.  Yeah, er, thanks for that.  Had it all.  Wish you'd sent me that a week ago though so I could have been better prepared ;-)

But it is now time to hang on tight as the rollercoaster of life is just about to speed up.  Either hold on or fall off.

I am going to have a damn good try at holding on.

Liska xx