Listograpgy - Top 5 Life Lessons

Writing this blog post reminds me of the famous Sunscreen "song" - you know it right?!?!?! I have heard it a lot over the years as my husband knows it OFF BY HEART!!!

Anyway, Kate Takes 5 is back with Listography - I used to participate a lot so I am glad!

Her post: Listography - Top 5 Life Lessons put tears in my eyes in a couple of places.  It's worth a read.

So here's my attempt (written on my phone in a cafe yesterday, while Aaron slept on my knee).

1. Notice when your spirit soars!
2. Breathe and know your triggers.
3. Being clever isn't everything but knowing where your strengths lie is!!!!
4. Rejuvenate before burnout not after.
5. Trust your (a) gut (b) higher-self or (c) instinct.  It won't let you down and as a mother it is EVERYTHING!

These are all very topical for me at the moment. Maybe if I wrote this next, or last month, they would be different. But now, in the moment, the above, feel right!

1. The first one is an issue for me, as I am a sack cloth and ashes type of Catholic girl, where I put my own needs below those of others.  I'll work hard for a boss or a friend, or a relative, and it'll take ages for me to realise where is "me" in all of this.  I can go ages without stopping and thinking "what makes me happy?" so sometimes when people ask me, I don't even know, which is odd as I am the sort of person who finds joy in most circumstances.  Probably my most frequent phrase is "that was amazing!"  I think the most successful adults are those who, no later than their teens or twenties NOTICE what makes their spirit soar, and ensure that that is their hobby or their life's work.  I have done Anthony Robins Unleash the Power Within course 2 or 3 times, and there is always a question on there like this.  He ever turns the lights down, and deep music on; even with going "within" I still can't quite work it out.  I know I was "happy" when I taught yoga.  I know I am "happy" when I am on days out with children.  I know my spirit does sometimes soar, but I can't quite place the triggers.  At the age of nearly 41, this seems to be something that escapes me.  I am sure life will improve once I "get it"! Whatever it is...
2. By number two I mean, if you are pushing yourself too hard, either mentally or physically you often forget to breathe.  So, if this is happening, breathe down into your toes, all of your extremities.  Let your tummy swell so that you use your abdomen and don't just breathe into your upper chest.  It will oxygenate your body and also helps with your acid/alkaline equilibrium!  Knowing your triggers, for me, is knowing when/where you need space.  It's taken me decades to discover people HAVE to get out of the kitchen if I am cooking and out of the bedroom if I am packing luggage to go away.
3. I have written this from many angles.  Firstly that my degree didn't get me any of my career successes - it was my strengths that did that.  Also, as an employer, and a HR Manager, it was always people's strengths that caused me to give them the opportunities that I did.  Focus on these and you will go far.  It also helps with confidence no end to KNOW what they ARE!
4. I am the sort of person to push myself too far.  Get frazzled and then try and recoup.  I think life is about revitalising yourself BEFORE burnout.  Finding the moments to pray, or sit, or be at peace.  Drinking the smoothie or juice.  Walking in that green area or on that beach.  Sitting under that tree.  Taking the multi-vitamins or Chinese herbs. Whatever it is, that means you are at one with yourself, and at your very best.  For yourself and those around you.
5. Number 5 is everything - it can even save your life!

Liska xxx

I don't like 'ists...

Racists aren't exactly people who embrace people of all colours and creeds.
Sexists don't embrace or respect both sexes.
Ageist people don't respect people of all ages.

So feminists, by the above reasoning don't respect the feminine.

Or do they?

If you want an answer to the question, or an answer to the issue of why I am raising it in the first place, read this blog post by >> Kate Takes 5 (and while there, click through and read the post it was actually a follow up post to).

The people who got personal both on the blog, and more so on Facebook by the sounds of it, seem to do so under the umbrella of feminism, but hey if that is what the umbrella is offering I would rather be rained on thanks.

Personally, as a trained yoga teacher, from what I know of energy, we need the masculine and the feminine, in harmony!

The sort of feminism I would like, is the sort that allows us as women, to excel in a man's world, without becoming a man. For the man's world to embrace what we have to offer.  For the boardroom to say "pull up a chair" because they know we have something valuable to add, because we bring the feminine into it, and the multitude of qualities and gifts that brings.

I have personal experience of it, in that the company I worked for, for 6 years, prior to redundancy, very much became a man's world whilst I was on maternity, and the one remaining female, in Senior Managers meetings, got more in touch with her masculine side in order to be an equal at the table.

All of that male energy, stubbornly rail-roading the company through projects and problems, that often needed a softer approach, lead to a catalogue of disasters that unravelled very quickly.

We live in a Patriarchal society that has been that way for over 2,000 years.  Powerful divine women were edited out of history, but they were powerful IN their femininity and not in spite of it!


So ladies, I would say be divine in your feminine, and don't feel the need to add the IST.... I don't know of an 'ist that is healthy or balanced.

I haven't read any feminist books, or explored the movement in any way.  Perhaps I should in order to add weight to this post, but you know what, the responses to Kate's post don't exactly entice me to do that.

My favourite comment tonight, on Kate's second post, is the one by Laura Murray - it says everything I want to say.

As we have gone into  the workplace, and tried to be all things to all people, what has it done for society?  Where has it got us?  Stressed out and trying to do too much (and I know there are exceptions to that as you will no doubt tell me in the comments).  Laura puts this point more eloquently than me.

What I have noticed from every same sex couple I have ever met, is that one of them is always masculine or slightly so, with the other being more feminine.  Yes I have seen exceptions where two ladies both wear the big meringue dress, but ordinarily, the ones I have met are like the American talk show host: Ellen.

What I am saying here is that we need both, for balance.  Masculine and feminine.  If the latter tries to become the former.... then there is either dysfunction, or men mopping up the balance.... or what?

Can't we excel as women, without treading over men and each other to get there?  I'd like to think we can.

Aaron naturally liked Thomas The Tank Engine and tractors and cars.  We did not encourage it, and at 2 years and 9 months his Dad only played with his cars with him for the first time this Sunday, so it wasn't encouraged in that way.

He just loves cars because he loves Daddy and wants to be like Daddy.

He knows I am "different" in that I am a different sex to him, but that doesn't stop his favourite show on Disney Junior being the show about a Princess, and the last 3 nights all he has wanted me to read him every night is the "Princess and the Frog".

He is intrigued by Princesses, yet he is a boy in every other way.  Boy is he a boy.  But I will let him embrace both aspects of himself.  There is masculine and feminine in all of us.

I am sorry that I have not quoted any staunch Feminist authors, or brought any wise words to this blog post.  It just is what it is! A late night ramble from me, to you.

And hey pink is cool and so is blue.  Aaron wore a lot of orange when he was younger...

Let's embrace all colours hey!

Just found this on the interweb and it says it way better than me:

Why Feminists should not be Against Feminine

Scratch that Itch

Hi

Ever since I heard what's been going on the last few days, I have had an itch to scratch.


I didn't do anything immediately as it is not my battle and not my cause, but the itch continued.  The more I read, the more I scratched.  The more I scratched, the more I itched.


Last night I made a confirmed decision, and in my lunch break today I brainstormed why I am doing what I am doing even though it really has nothing to do with me..........


If you are reading this from the sanity of being outside the Mummy community read here and here to bring yourself up to speed.

I'll wait here till you come back...


Done....?

Now the reason I did the links in that order as that is the order in which I found out about the recent chain of events.



Okay I will continue... As this blog has been largely about Aaron most of you probably don't know me and quite often I am running around like a blue arsed fly and don't even know myself but in my lunch break as I brainstormed I tried to work out why I have an itch I need to scratch and it involved remembering who I am ...

1. I hate injustice - I was even like that in primary school
2. I am a straight A student who doesn't like being in trouble
3. Despite point 2, I would speak up in a class to support the underdog, as and when necessary, because of point 1.
4. When I love something I am fiercely loyal to it. Don't cross me when I am passionate.
5. I hate hierarchy and have no hesitation in going to the "Boss"' or speaking to the "Manager".
6. I love community and I love consultation. 
7. I am a HR Manager and I hate "top down" management.
8. I am a qualified Yoga and Pregnancy Yoga teacher and because of that, I embrace the Aquarian age and what it consists of and support leaving behind the Piscean age... See points 6 and 7 above.
9. I have never ever ever been afraid to take sides and am not about to start being afraid now - I have been the last few days and now I am scratching THAT itch.
10. I hate boundaries and territories that are unnecessary.
11. I embrace change when I can.
12. I embrace competition when I can.
13. I am not controversial so that is not the reason that I write this post.

The scratch I had to itch is the fact that I don't like the way Brit Mums have handled things the last few days, and I felt inherently censored in knowing that if I spoke out about it, I would be banned so tonight as soon as I got in from work, I went on there and clicked "Leave Brit Mums".  They can't hold that power over me if I remove myself.


And in order for them to assume the Head Master role I have to assume the cowering student role, and I aint up for that.


Blogging is free speech and THAT is what I am up for.


Now where does the loyalty aspect come in, from point 4 above.......


Well, I joined Netmums on 30-08-2009 I was going insane from trying to conceive from April and watching my cycle and symptom spotting meticulously every month.

Netmums and the girls on there got me through TTC (trying to conceive) and regularly answered all my questions.  It felt like a community and I always felt cared for.  It never felt like there was a hierarchy.

I had my blog already at this time but didn't really get into a habit of using it.

I then used netmums all the way through my pregnancy after announcing a BFP (which is a big fat positive).  And carried on using it for the first few months of Aaron's busy life.

It wasn't until September or November 2010 that I started blogging in earnest (although I did have a previous blog I used for nearly 2 years) and I did not join Brit Mums until December 16, 2010..... THAT is when I became aware of the community of Mummy Bloggers and it's been a roller coaster ride since then.

But I still love anything that represents a community.... Silent Sunday, Mumentum, Memes, Linkys, Blog Hops etc.... and I don't feel like I need Brit Mums to survive.

So as they seem to have parked themselves on one side of the road, leaving Netmums clearly on the other side, I have decided to make a stand.  Not necessary but it was an itch I had to scratch and I agreed with a lot of what Gary and Kate said in their posts...

All I need is

• A blog to blog ON
• A baby to blog ABOUT
• And friends to blog TO...

I don't need anything else.

While I have been obsessed with blogging I haven't been posting on Netmums, and when I went through my phase of being addicted to Netmums August 2009 for a year, my blog went more or less dormant, so it now feels like I have come full circle, and am going home.

My blog and the community that helped me get pregnant, can all be together.

I love the new Parent Bloggers Network and I love the look and feel of it.

British Mummy Bloggers missed a trick when they renamed themselves Brit Mums... some of the best bloggers are Dads...

Also, why is it classed as direct competition when I don't feel it is... Nothing that is posted on Brit Mums can feature in Google search results as it is a closed (password to enter) community.  Whereas the whole thing that made me stumble on Netmums in the FIRST PLACE was that in the Summer 2009 I entered a question in Google and the search results took me to threads on Netmums and I ended up signing up so that I could converse and converse I did with 725 posts.

We talk about Mummy Bloggers being influential BUT in that year when I wasn't blogging and was blissfully unaware of Mummy Bloggers I was active on Netmums and that is where I was recommended my lovely Lindam Door Bouncer.  That is where I was recommended my lovely Fisherprice Jumperoo.... etc... etc.... you get great recommendations from great Mums on there and they don't get freebies for doing so.  I loved my time on there, and I love having this opportunity to jump on there new network, leaving the old territorial one behind.

There was no need for the way Brit Mums treated Kate, when all she did was pop on there to answer some questions.

Rightly or wrongly, this is me taking a stand, and I haven't done it in a hurry and I have all my notes next to me that I made in my lunchbreak.

I am not a big blogger and I don't have my shoulder stripes of rank so I won't be missed but I don't care.  I know who my friends are.

Bye Bye Brit Mums it was nice knowing you.

I had one sad look around before I left, like you do when you look around an empty property when you move house, and I took the opportunity to copy and paste this:

Welcome to BritMums — The UK's largest parent blogger network!
We're a friendly and supportive group of parent bloggers. Have a burning blogging question? Want to share a blog post? A rant? Start a discussion, join a group, anything! We’d love to hear. We run a popular bi-weekly blogger carnival, here's the schedule.
So grab a tea or coffee, sit back and meet other parent bloggers who love the UK.

What I LOVE about Netmums is that you DON'T just chat to bloggers you chat to other Mums. And that was where I began.........

Liska x



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