Feminist #Blogfest and What A Man Thought About It - hey he even may be Santa

The fallout from the Feminist session at #Blogfest has left me with a little bit of a broken heart, as I would like to see (and would like to have penned) empowering posts about Stella Creasy and how she rocked on stage!  I would also like to hear more talk of Dr Sue Black and her great thing which is #techmums.  Both women commanded the stages they were on and apart from Twitter, had us in a hushed respectful silence.

As I have run out of steam, currently, to write any more about the whole affair I thought I would copy Actually Mummy and hand over to a man.

This is the chap who runs:

Love Christmas Ltd

As he personally witnessed the fallout on Twitter via the #blogfest hashtag he has an opinion.  I only found this out as I am a member of Darwin Affiliate Window and I got him to resize his badges for me today so that they would fit on my blog.  If you click on one of them, he will get a lovely Christmassy transaction if you like what you see and I will get a smashing 10% commission.

Anyhow, now that business is out of the way, do you want to know what HE thinks?

Over to @lovechristmas1 also known as Andy!

Let's start with my credentials:

1) I'm a dad

2) I have an incredible wife

3) I have 7 kids (8th on the way)

4) I work, my wife is a SAHM who home-educates all of our kids

I've listened to the mumsnet feminist session, which was pretty lively, and a little disappointing. Just in case some of you might be interested in the opinion of someone on the other side of the gender divide, I thought I'd pen some thoughts.

First off, let me start by saying I don't really understand what the point of the session was, or what the intended outcome could possibly have been? Was the idea that all women would band together, and agree on a certain way of being a mum? I cannot possibly imagine a scenario where that would ever happen! Whilst guys can usually be distilled into pretty similar and base groupings, women are so wonderfully diverse that finding two who agree on every aspect of being a mother is unlikely!

I think part of the problem with feminism is that no-one really knows what it is, or what a feminist should stand for. I think the feminist movement probably started out with the right idea - equality with men, but since then it's been twisted to be more like "the same as men", which is very different, and an unhelpful target.

Women, you are beautiful, brilliant, bright, smart, and should rightly be celebrated for everything that makes you who you are.

You are not, thankfully, the same as men, and you shouldn't try to be so!

Instead of focusing on the brilliant gift that motherhood is, this session instead chose to focus on a divisive issue. So many mums seem to miss the fact that whilst motherhood/parenthood is messy, stressful, hard work and exhausting, it's also a unique opportunity to invest in our children, and their future. Parenthood is the single most important job any of us will ever have, and we only get one chance at it with each child.

So instead of deciding whether or not we're holding up our gender (speaking to guys here too), both genders need to put on a little humility and decide that our kids are more important than whether we got one-up on the opposite sex today, or got away with doing/working less than our partner. We, both genders, should not be trying to get away with doing less, but rather looking for ways in which we can do more to enrich, support, build each other up, and see our kids grow into the kind of people this world needs.

Whilst I'm at it: 

Guys, be the man - by loving, supporting and respecting your partner. Get off the sofa and help her. Get on the floor and play with your kids. Put the laundry on, do the washing up.

Girls, love your guy. Support him, encourage him, tell him you love him, and never, ever, make him feel stupid in front of his mates - you can do that when they're not around!

Both of you -  Raise your boys to be the kind of men you want your daughters to marry, and your daughters to be the kind of girls you want your sons to marry.

:)

Now you can see why he's Santa right?

Give a little love to:

Poetry on the way back from #blogfest 2013

I still haven't finished my #blogfest post despite it being live, in beta format (it's the one before this one).

But I wanted to share with you the poetry I wrote on the way home on Saturday, from Kings Cross in London, UK:

The Lie!
Don't you think something's wrong

When the recession's going on too long?

As the towns start to gentrify

Can you see it's all been a lie?

Let's make the building costs go down

Whilst we build for "crown"

No worry 'bout loyalty

Tis about royalty

The man on the street is an ass

He's just working class

Let's divide and rule

For he's only a fool!

He works hard you see

No time to think and be!

What you say he'll swallow

No concern for tomorrow

Let's get bread on the table

However you're able

For some it's steak

For others it's chips they'll make

Energy prices they soar

So we're always wanting more

To eat or heat

Not a simple treat

The pubs they close

Nowhere to discuss our woes

No money for a computer

That way you're muter

Stay at home and suffer

Till it's all over

Then you'll see no democracy

The world rearranged for inequality

So wake up be enlightened

Don't be frightened

Empower each other

Don't be afraid of Big Brother

We're on the brink of new times

It's not a time for rhymes!

I am reaching out to you

To be MORE than the FEW

This is only a ditty

It might not be pretty

It was written in speed 

and not for greed

It's the inspired word

That I simply "heard"

In this brain of mine

Words out! Now fine!

© Original work - Written: by Liska 09/11/13 

***

I wrote this poem on the way home, 

as a result of seeing the new Kings Cross 

and the beginnings of a new Tottenham 

on the way home from #blogfest 2013

I was only able to afford to go to the 
conference
 thanks to my Sponsor: 

The English Mattress Company

The poem has a sing song melody, which I want you to hear, but Aaron won't let me record it - I will when he is asleep!

This video, (during the opening and closing slides)
for anyone who does not know/visit London, will show the regeneration (or gentrification) of Kings Cross that is happening:

I did love being IN the building though so I guess
that makes me a hypocrite
- happy to admit that :-(
I am going to try and read up on gentrification now.

I'll add some links to what I find:
http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2006/mar/28/interestingcheesesandgentri http://www.standard.co.uk/news/london/revealed-the-gentrification-map-of-london-8808754.html  

This will touch your soul:  
The cleansing of Hackney  
You have to read it (^) if only to get to this paragraph: But Tony had competition. A Kent-based millionaire property developer named Roger Wratten, who had recently snapped up the properties on either side of Tony’s place, had his eye on Francesca’s. An unidentified ‘someone’ informed him that Tony was trying to buy it, and from that point on, all Tony’s attempts to do so were thwarted – paperwork was lost, phone calls went unreturned. For three years, Tony struggled for the simple right to buy his own business. But in February 2003, it was sold, at auction, 
to Roger Wratten.

This you tube video about gentrification is interesting: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wBpL_iAeOc  I have recorded me reading the poem but ideally would like a rapper to do it:

Adding it to here:

My Beta Blogfest 2013 and Why I am Not a Feminist

Blogfest 2013 was awesome.  I think I could have left after the first session (the new Wild West - what kind of internet do we want?) and felt as if I got value for money.  It was better than any BBC Question Time show I have ever seen.  The only thing that seemed to divide the audience was whether they fancied Richard Bacon or had a girlie crush on Stella Creasy - lots of live tweets on screen were stating "Stella for PM".  Then add on some more sessions, a delicious lunch, some Mark Warner cocktails - the drinking of which commenced before lunch - and this is a happy girl.  Like minded peers in the venue too; bonus!  A venue that was spectacular #result!

It wasn't all skipping through the roses though.  There was THAT session.  The one where you felt like you were a 2nd class citizen if you were a "Mummy" - the nonsense being proposed, that being a "Mother" is stronger.  You've really lost the plot if you also make jam, wear heels and *gasp* dare to call yourself a "Mummy Blogger!"  You know what, being comfortable in your own skin is powerful; being told what that skin should or shouldn't look like is not!

There's not a single one of us, that got to this planet without it being via a Mummy.  We're God's vessels in creating another human.  I don't feel the need to apologise for that.  I have had my days in the boardroom and trust me, being in the park is a lot more fun AND may just may be good for my child.

This might be Daily Fail but it's written by an enlighted Feminist & as a SAHM I can get behind it http://t.co/ylu3coAc4r Cc: @MrsSheaWong
— Liska (@NewMumOnline) November 12, 2013

Oh and why at no point in this whole affair has nobody used the phrase:

The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world

Hhhhm?

Maybe we are too big headed as women to admit that a man may have said something sensible?

"The Hand That Rocks The Cradle Is The Hand That Rules The World" is a poem by William Ross Wallace that praises motherhood as the preeminent force for change in the world. The poem was first published in 1865 under the title "What Rules The World".^[1] The refrain of the poem is a commonly quoted phrase.^[2] SOURCE: Wikipedia!

One of the panel, said "Why "mummy"?" (as in Mummy Blogger) "that is what a CHILD would call you!" the inference being humpf why would your title be designed by a little person! God forbid!  Yeah, he regularly does, and he is the person who most looks up to me, is currently my reason for living.  I have no issue with that.  I don't know her name (but you'll see and hear her in my video below) but she then gave the analogy of her being referred to as a "girlie Journalist" like it would be ridiculous.   I am sure there are probably some girlie Journalists out there, but I doubt if they have created another human in circa 9 months! Unless of course they are also a Mummy, a title I will NOT shy away from.  I have been a Working Mum, a SAHM and a WAHM.... all of them encompassed being a Mummy.  Empowering my boy to be a man who will not require feminism to be needed in the first place - that's where true power resides!

Oh and another old phrase springs to mild:

It takes a village to raise a child

 Us Mummy Bloggers ARE an online village to each other!!!

Getting my footage of the Feminist session uploaded has been plagued with problems.  First I did not have sufficient GB on the MacBook to upload it at all, from the camera.  THEN when I did, it needed to stabilize for hours (probably because I was uploading 68 videos).  THEN when I tried to export the video to share it, I had run out of hard drive GB once again.  Oh and finally when I was in a position to upload it, it was nearly 30 minutes and You Tube caps me at 15 minutes.... so this will be one of those tacky part one and part two jobs:

VIDEOS OF THAT SESSION:

Part ONE:

and Part TWO:

WHY hasn't this tweet had more retweets?!?!?!?

@MumsnetBloggers Disappointed by the #blogfest panels antiquated views on #feminism. Ironic such a big barrier to equality = other women! — Katy Hill (@KatyHillTV) November 10, 2013

You know, the session made me feel smaller than any man ever has.  I now know I am:

1. Just a Mummy - God forbid!
2. That I get involved in far too much domesticity!
3. The fact that I can get from nappy to nappy without feeling the need to run away to an office or educational establishment means I must be complicit with the patriarchy!
4. That I am chattel
5. That I am a self-abnegating mother - the article I found this phrase in, penned by one of the panel, offends me even more than what I heard in the session - yes I did not know that was possible either! 
6. That in clawing back some of the male dominated advertising industry's budgets, so that we can have complimentary toys, days out or sponsored posts, to better the lives of our families is commodifying our families - gracefully Charlotte Raven conceded on this point, later in the conversation and I have since read that Glosswatch thinks it is a good thing that we have reclaimed unpaid domesticity and made it a place where the woman can EARN! She eloquently makes this point in her Twit Longer where she says: "I wanted (although I never got the chance) to ask how on earth it could be wrong for women to make unpaid labour pay? Sod "commercialising" childhood. I never got the chance to say all this because people were too busy tearing strips off Sarah Ditum".
7. Oh and that I must not dare to speak up unless (1) I have a microphone (2) I remember that not everyone uses or has boobs (or breastfeeds when it SO wasn't about that!), oh and unless I use words like "complicit" "domesticity" and "chattel".  You can only take part in debate if you have your thesaurus with you!

This article: in the NewStatesman was penned by one of the panel: Sarah Ditum.  I got tears in my eyes before I even read it, due to the caption on the first photo: "The cult of self-abnegating motherhood is ultimately one that gives more prestige to the mother than benefit to the child".  Sorry, but even Liz Jones would be proud of that cutting diatribe.  It is firstly not true and secondly scientifically easily disproved! But then we know she thinks little of us because she also says: "particularly if the blog is a commercial concern, because anyone who works on the internet can tell you that you spend much more time worrying about stats and chasing PRs than you do exchanging tender moments with your subject matter".  See Liz Jones WAS at Blogfest this year, she just had a different name and a different face.  Good on Mumsnet Blogfest though for finding something to top last year!
In my successful career prior to redundancy I always found it was the clever people who did not need to over-jargon their conversation!  They were the ones who engaged you which resulted in you seeing where they were coming from.  Respect is a two-way street! One of my favourite posts after the weekend is this one, which like me, in the title includes the words "Why I am not a feminist" - she explains it so much better than me. What DO we look like eh, and the video she includes is certainly worth a watch! And if that has got you in video watching mode, Mumsnet has already uploaded the Jo Brand session; the session that was like sheer therapy after what had preceded it.  A session that quite frankly redeemed feminism, although I still would not call myself one.

The reason I call this blog post "my beta blogfest" is because this post is going to take me about 3-4 days to write, but it will not be part 1, 2, 3 etc.... it'll all be on here.  So each time I update it, with videos or photos, in its beta state, you will see it.  Simply means you keep coming back for more.  My reason for this is I was DESPERATE to write a post last night but one I was too tired and two, the dust had not settled on my thoughts.  Then I came up against the technical problem of there not being enough GB on my computer to upload the videos.  As I deal with all of this, this post will gradually come together and I have footage of THAT session. 

I was able to afford to go to Mumsnet Blogfest thanks to my sponsor: The English Mattress Company - check them out they make luxury bespoke mattresses for adults AND children! 

The day began with the above session:

The New Wild West - What Kind of Internet Do We Want?

Panel: Richard Bacon (chair), Stella Creasy, Toby Young, Marta Cooper, Mark Stephens

It set the bar incredibly high.  The live tweets were NOT distracting because the panel were SO engaging.  As I said above many tweets said "Stella for PM" and there was a big girl crush going on.  The embodiment of feminine power was on stage and the Feminist struggle did not need to be mentioned or touched upon at all.  Stella and Caroline Criado-Perez get on with fighting for women, without feeling the need to be academic about it.  They rock!

Lovely that some of us agree on how the session came across, and great to get a tweet from Katy Hill who was a delegate at the event:

So as not to completely clutter this blog post with photos I have made them into a slideshow.  Watching it makes me wish I had taken more, but I spent all of my battery and space (on both cameras) on videos, most of which I am yet to upload, as I am having a GB space issue on my laptop.  Anyhow here are all of the photos I took on the day:

Thanks @Nickie for sharing THIS (below) I really needed to watch something empowering that was the antithesis to what took place over the weekend!

  

 I hope you have gathered by now, THAT is the type of parenting I am into!

For me, the panel did not come across as empowered, or grounded or centred.  Whether they said it or not, what was communicated to me (perhaps through vibes, energy or shere osmosis) was that us, as women, are meant to be bigger and better than our mere "Mummy" title.  I now feel like a Lioness who wants to ROAR - SHOW ME THE MUMMY! So tis a good thing as now I am reading empowering things like  this:  about feminist mothers and this:  all such good works to walk in: motherhood and female achievement and so I will continue! Bye for now, Liska @NewMumOnline Oh and that was ME who hollered from the balcony about the fact that we are the sex with boobs - yes the shame of it! Edit from me now on 14/11/2013:

Just to add, this is a VERY interesting read: Feminist Times: These Women are Not Me What makes me sad, is if Twitter is anything to go by, you have to be *Maternal* Feminist to write powerful things like that.... how many different classes of women are there exactly?

Also, we were led to believe that we misunderstood Sarah at #blogfest but look at her reaction to that article.  She calls being a mother "caring".  Sorry but that confirms what I thought on Saturday :-(

But you know what, everything is gonna be alright!

Woman, little sister, don't shed no tears! 

I would like to be a #MarkWarnerMum so I am entering the Mark Warner competition to win a holiday.  As the image below indicates my top travel tip which would be to pack a portable DVD player along with their favourite DVDs.  Ours comes with a charger that means it can be used portably once charged AND we bought a lead that's a car charger too, for when the charge from the socket has run out.  It's now "saved us" on many a journey :-)

For more tips on how to entertain the kids on your travels, the kit you absolutely shouldn’t leave home without and more visit the Mark Warner Blog.

Disclosure: this post is a competition entry for the #blogfest #MarkWarnerMum competition